1. People with no children who think they’ll be the best parents ever so feel qualified to give parenting advice – or look down on those who actually have children because they’re “doing it wrong.”
“Oh, I took a class/read a book/watched this movie. You shouldn’t do that, that will warp your children for LIFE!”
Shut up. You don’t know. Please don’t talk to me ever again.
2. Uninformed rantings. I don’t care if you fly off the handle, seriously. Please make sure you know what you’re talking about before you begin. I’d hate to see you make an ass of yourself…or maybe I’d prefer that because then I know to avoid you in the future.
3. Poor punctuation. I am also annoyed by improper use of you’re/your, to/too/two, they’re/there/their, etc – but punctuation is a biggie.
3a. I was recently sent this gif (I’m a sucker for Star Wars funnies), but my enjoyment was severely hampered by the atrocious punctuation errors. FYI, punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. INSIDE.
3b. Apostrophes. Look, I know they seem cool. The thing is, you don’t need them as often as you think. Really. If you use an apostrophe to pluralize a word, I will smack you. Maybe I won’t. Do you really want to find out, though?
3c. Semicolons. I don’t really hate them so much, but how they’re used. I’ve noticed a trend lately with authors who think use of semicolons will distract the reader from noticing that all they’ve really managed to put together is the hugest run-on in the history of the written word. Kurt Vonnegut said “Don’t use semicolons. They stand for absolutely nothing. They are transvestite hermaphrodites. They are just a way of showing off.” Yeah. That.
4. Forgetting my iPod at home. What? You mean I’m going to be forced to listen to the radio or horrible waiting music?! I will usually go back home for it, because that’s just unacceptable.
5. Finishing the book I’m reading while I’m in bed…or the tub. Both of these annoy me equally.
6. Eliza Dushku, Hagrid, Dylan McDermott, Julie Chen.