The season of new movie releases is upon us.
Not that they don’t happen the rest of the year, but Hollywood seems prone to scheduling their “big” movie releases right on top of each other, duking it out in a battle royale for top grossing film, because we all have so much more money/time to spend on movies in the spring and summer.
Incorrect assumption. I’m always broke.
The losers, of course, still make millions, so don’t feel too sorry for them.
Feel sorry for me.
And send me $20. No, make it $200. I need to pay for all these movie tickets somehow.
Many of my favorite books have already been made into movies – Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, multiple Jane Austen books (read it and weep, sj), The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
However, there are quite a few books I love that haven’t been released as movies – yet. Here are just a handful coming out in the next year or so that I’m very keen to see. You should see them, too. I think I have an excellent taste in movies.*
*Note that I am not responsible for the money you’ve wasted if they’re terrible. It’s not my fault buying movie snacks for two people is somewhere in the price neighborhood of your car/house/student loan payment combined.
Now for the movies.
I really like popcorn.
1) Ender’s Game
With an anticipated release date of March 2013, I’m jumping the gun a bit. I’ve been waiting for this movie since I first read the book in middle school, however, so it’s going right to the top. This is a long time coming, and a very big deal.
Space. Potential apocalypse. Genius children that make you feel terribly inadequate. What’s not to love?
2) The Raven
I know there was a movie made back in the 60s, but let’s just forget about that. This new movie has already been released in the UK, but is set to be released in the US in April of this year.
Just another reason I wish I were British.
I’ll give it back, I swear.
3) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Set to be released in June. I’ll be honest and say that I am not only on the vampire bandwagon, I’m happily leading the caravan in some rousing campfire songs.
I’m an inspiration.
Even if you aren’t much into vampires, you can’t tell me this doesn’t pique your interest at least a teensy bit.
I mean, I guess you can, but I won’t believe you.
Who among us hasn’t envisioned President Lincoln trolling around, defending our country from the monstrous undead? You might have actually payed attention during History class.
4) The Giver
Set to be released in 2013 and directed by David Yates. Because I’ve made it a life mission to relate nearly everything I come across to Harry Potter in some way, he directed HP 5 -7.
5) Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2
Wait, wait. Hear me out on this, guys. No, it’s not one of my favorite books. However, I really want to see what they’re going to do with it, because I honestly have no idea.
I read Breaking Dawn. For multiple hundreds of pages nothing happens.
For those of you who haven’t read the book and plan to, stop reading. For the rest of you, let me summarize:
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
If you haven’t seen 300, I’m sure you’re vaguely familiar with the story – Spartans vs. Persians, epic battle, muscular men in delightfully wee leather outfits, etc.
Envision the scene where Leonidas is about to bow to Xerxes, and Stelios jumps over him and stabs the general, and all hell breaks loose.
This face happens.
Rewind. Stop Stelios in midflight.
You know something big is about to happen. You’ve been waiting for this moment the entire movie, nay, your entire life, it seems. You envision a battle of epic proportions, and if you’re watching 300, you get it, along with a lot of slowmotion shots and dramatic music.
Now imagine Stelios gently landing on the other side of Leonidas without stabbing the general. Then they all go home. That’s it.
The epic showdown in Breaking Dawn, and culmination of the entire Twilight series, is the Volturi (evil, yet highly attractive vampire gang, for those of you who haven’t read) showing up and leaving shortly thereafter without killing anyone.
I feel like this will make a somewhat boring movie, which is why I plan to blow a solid $20 at the theatre watching it.
Truth be told, I’m very frequently disappointed with how books are adapted into movies. This is partially my fault, because I go in with pretty strict ideas about what I think should and should not be happening, and I also like to whine.
The obvious solution is to have me direct them, and then they’ll be just how I like them. Now get thee to a theatre!