Five Places I Wish Were Real

If my imagination were an animal, it would be a honey badger.

Once my imagination gets going, it’s impossible to stop, utterly ridiculous, and even a little bit scary.

Thus, I have been predisposed from a young age to all forms of geekery, including but not limited to: obsessive love of fantasy novels/science fiction novels/TV shows/movies of the same, etc.

One of the more disappointing parts of my childhood was coming to the realization that all the fantastical, interesting places I’d read about in my beloved books (yes, I was a book snob, even as a wee lass) weren’t, in fact, places I could visit.

As an adult, I still love to read about well-crafted chimerical places. Here are five places that I really, really wish weren’t imaginary:

1)   Hogwarts, from Harry Potter

I know, I know, very original of me. Seriously, who doesn’t want to go to Hogwarts? (Draco, put your hand down.) Of course, to go to Hogwarts, you’d have to have magical powers, which is not something I would, you know, consider a deterring factor.

I could even play Quidditch!


2)   Rivendell, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

I snaping <3 elves. From their names, to their tights, to their pointy little shoes – I love it all. Even though my inner stickler railed against the gratuitous elf scenes in the movies, I’ll be honest and say that every time I saw Legolas prance onto the screen, I completely forgot all my qualms.*

*This is at least partially due to the overwhelming and completely distracting hair jealousy begat by all the majestic manes of hair atop the elves’ heads.


3)   TARDIS, The Whoniverse

I know many people consider the TARDIS as exclusively belonging on the telly, but there’s actually a whole slew of books based of the TV series, so it’s rightfully going on here!

The wonderful thing about the TARDIS is that it can take you anywhere to anywhen. The possibilities are endless. Additionally, it’s normally manned by a delightful British man with a spunky taste in fashion (also known as a Time Lord).

What’s not to love?


4) Candy Room, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

You can’t tell me there hasn’t been at least one time in your life where you wanted to go swimming in a pool of chocolate.

If anyone wants to build me a candy room, I will marry you on the spot.


5) Camelot

Truth be told, I largely want to visit Arthurian England in the hopes that Arthur and his Knights are exactly as they are in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, right down to the coconuts. However, I’m willing to settle for them not being like that* (by which I mean, hysterical), because most novels involving Camelot make up for it with tales of dragons, handsome knights, and warlocks, among many other entertaining things, which almost makes up for it.

*This is saying a lot. I really love all things Monty Python.

I even named my guinea pig after one of the men who acted in Monty Python.

Can you guess who?

A correct guess will get you an imaginary ride on the dodisharkicorn’s back.*

*becomingcliche, you are not allowed to guess because you probably already know. However, next time I offend you (by which I mean, next time I take Snape’s name in vain), I will offer a ride on said dodisharkicorn’s back as a conciliatory gesture.



We found out that people didn’t get subscriber notifications for the new post yesterday, so in case you missed it (or just want to gaze upon its splendor again), check out sj’s excellent ranty rant. It’s hilarofl, and full of SCIENCE!


Credit where credit is due:

~ Original honey badger image courtesy of National Geographic

~ Hogwarts image courtesy of Harry Potter Wiki

~ Rivendell image courtesy of LOTR Wikia

~ Original elves image from

~ TARDIS image Courtesy of

~ Candy room image courtesy of Flavorwire

~ Camelot image Courtesy of Wikipedia

~ Everything else is my ridiculousness!


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23 thoughts on “Five Places I Wish Were Real

  1. HAHAHAHA! I <3 this so much, but I'm a little sad that I don't get included for TARDIS rides.

    You only said Heather can't guess, does that mean I can? ;)

  2. I got the email notification today, just FYI. I’ll be interested to see if I get one for sj’s next post.

    I am guessing in my wee little brain. If I’m right, I want a dodisharkicorn to keep as a pet.

    • Oh, goody!

      We’ve plans to open a dodisharkicorn stable (I haven’t told sj this yet. Surprise!). You may help us, since you’re all handy with animals and whatnot. You will be paid with one baby dodisharkicorn, glitter, and hair ties, because I seem to have a lot of those lying around. I hope this is an acceptable arrangement.

  3. To be perfectly fair, Legolas’ mere presence sort of made everything okay, didn’t it? I mean, really. It was sheer gratuitous delight to find out he’d be in The Hobbit. Book accuracy be damned, when I saw the elves marching into Helm’s Deep like well-trained Romans, I very nearly squealed out loud.

  4. Pingback: It’s Been a Rough Week/Look at My Guinea Pig | snobbery

  5. 1st – When you said “Draco, put your hand down” did you do that in Minerva McGonagall’s voice? Because that’s what I heard…

    2nd – Rivendell? Really? So much climbing and walking to get around (Can I have a Winged Nazgul to come visit?)… This fat guy says ‘nayyyyyyy (And really did a horse sound, even though no one is around… ) – I hate to disagree here but I would have to say either Fangorn Forrest (The Ents are totally my speed) or the Dead Marshes… Yeah, creepy I know, but I feel the need to put up a sign that gives more warning than Smeagol did… (Don’t go into the light… REALLY? How about, DON’T STARE AT THE CREEPY DEAD PEOPLE IN THE WATER? Lets be SLIGHTLY more specific, shall we?) Or maybe I could irritate everyone and say Barrow Downs so I could meet Tom Bombadil… lol…

    3rd… the TARDIS is all we need right? We can go ANYWHERE!

    lastly, The only problem I see is the idea of Coconuts… Are there any African Swallows around?

    So If I could add a place, could I add almost any world from HGTTG? Vogsphere? YES PLEASE! (I’m british, I know how to queue) The planet where God Sneezed out the universe? Or, best of all, Islington, London, England… Ok, so this one exists… but Trillian doesn’t, so I need that one to meet her… (If anyone has Zooey Deschanel’s number, that’s a perfectly fine backup)

    • Dude, we already talked about the Ents…keep working your way back.

      And if Meg had included planets from the Guide, I’d have suggested Squornshellous Zeta where all the mattresses come from. Voon.

      • I’m TRYING to work my way back but I keep getting side tracked… I’m all internet-a-crazy today… I just realized I hadn’t eaten in like 8 or more hours so I had to order some food (Another great thing you can do on the internet, lol).

    • Of course I did! Dame Maggie Smith has the perfect voice for giving orders.

      As to the walking – I’m sure Legolas would let you borrow his horse. It’s nearly as pretty as he is. Alternatively, you could ask Gandalf to borrow Shadowfax, though I doubt he’ll oblige. OR the Ents could give you a ride around Rivendell (best of both worlds?!). And bless your soul, that’s very thoughtful of you. Smeagol would make an absolutely terrible tour guide. And YAY for Tom Bombadil! Meg likes Tom Bombadil. She likes to speak in third person sometimes, just like Tom Bombadil, and applauds his tendency to break out into spontaneous song.


      Keep this on the hush-hush, but the dodisharkicorn is actually very good friends with a flight of African Swallows. They’re very friendly, but they won’t go around carrying coconuts for just anybody. The dodisharkicorn, however, has a way with birds, so I’m totally hypothetically covered on that point.

      And YESSS! Hitchhiker’s Guide! I can’t believe I forgot about HGTTG! Though I must admit I’m slightly worried that the Vogsphere is your planet of choice. I assume you don’t enjoy getting hit in the face with a shovel, so that must mean you don’t think, and if you’re reading our blog then that does not bode well for us. Have fun sitting on Bambi, though. If I knew Zooey Deschanel’s number, you bet your buns I’d totes be selling the information on Craigslist or some such. I know a business opportunity when I see one!

      • The Geek sometimes talks in the third person too, of course he is saying “The Shua” instead of the geek, since that is his name. And break out into song? ALL THE TIME! I’d like to say the songs I break into aren’t quite as fancy boy as Mister Toms, but then I recall the times I’ve sang ‘Moon River’ or a Justin Timberlake affair (Speaking of songs, did you know you can sing Amazing Grace to the Tune of Gilligans Island? Youtube it if you haven’t seen it)

        The Dodisharkicorn sounds awesomesauce, and looks great too… I know, I’m probably way behind on saying that, but … I’m still trying to get caught up…

        And you got me, I don’t want to go to Vogsphere for the shovels, but rather the inner cities… the tiny policing robots and the absolutely bureaucratic way everything gets done… Its Washington DC, right? I know, I know, more like the Ministry of Defense… And with HGTTG you get doors with GPP and MARVIN! And yes, his voice is forever snaped in my mind now… It should be for everyone, right? But the best part about Vogsphere is its home to only the second worst poetry of the universe, which puts it only slightly lower to open mic nights at any coffee shop around the US.

        • Meg thinks that is most excellent! Have you seen the video asking JT to make music again? It’s hilarofl. And OHMYSNAPE that also sounds most excellent! I love the Gilligan’s Island theme song.

          Oh shucks, thank you! Better late than never, my friend, the dodisharkicorn always appreciates a compliment.

          As for Ministries, I prefer the Ministry of Silly Walks, though I’d love to meet Marvin, he’d make me look like a ball of sunshine on my worst day. Also, for using the word snaped, I think I’ll have to give you this:

          Feel free to frame it and put it on your mantle. (If you don’t have a mantle, get one. This deserves to be shown-off properly!)

          And oh snape help us, open mic nights. I used to attend poetry events pretty regularly. Sometimes they were just so bad it was almost good.

      • BTW, if I missed anything that disappoints me, it is the opportunity to guess the name of your GP… As I was reading through the comments I was totally thinking of Cleesey… I mean, the ministry of funny walks along with the dead parrot make for some of my all time favorite tv moments…

        • Oh noez! You missed your opportunity to ride atop a dodisharkicorn! Horrors! And snape yes, the Ministry of Silly Walks and the Dead Parrot sketch are two of my favorite TV/Python moments EVER. Cleese the guinea pig is very proud of his namesake.

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