We know, we know…you’ve all got questions about the Dodisharkicorn. It’s only natural. Few of you were here at the time of its first inception, and it has regenerated so many times by now that we’d be frightened to know what it saw when peering into the Untempered Schism.
The truth is – the Dodisharkicorn is quite secretive in nature. He doesn’t really want you to know much about him at all, but we’ve received permission to give you a few hints.
Where does the Dodisharkicorn live? Ah, an astute question right off the bat. You’re absolutely correct to wonder this, Questioner. Given his – er - specialness, the Dodisharkicorn isn’t one to just hang out on Earth, right? I mean, really. Where is he going to live? In a pond outside your back door? How threatening is that? No. Of course the Dodisharkicorn is not an Earthly Creature. He actually lives on one of the moons of Jupiter in Dodisharkitropolis, whose location we are not at liberty to divulge.
What does the Dodisharkicorn eat? Faeriecakes. And Faeries. Look, the Dodisharkicorn needs huge quantities of protein to survive, but he’s not about to eat humans. We’re gross. Also, he has a problem with sugar. Hello, early onset diabetes! But, really – MommaDodi took him to McFaeries too often when he was little, so it’s not like he’s actually to blame or anything, right? He has recently changed his diet to only include free-range faeries and faeriecakes, so…he’s trying, okay?
How does the Dodisharkicorn clean itself? Um. It bathes in glitter. Dur.
Elvis or the Beatles? Dude. Take a good look at the Dodisharkicorn. Tell me you can’t imagine sideburns and a bedazzled leather suit.
Are there female Dodisharkicorns? Of course there are! You can tell them apart because the women have braids. For realsies.
Does the Dodisharkicorn read? Only if he thinks he can insert himself into the story. He’s like a trashy version of Archeron Hades. You can find him in many VC Andrews books, and the work of Jean M Auel.
Hobbies? In his spare time, the dodisharkicorn enjoys golfing, reading, jet skiing, training dogs, performing in circuses and writing multilinear calculus theorems.
Hey, will there ever be baby dodisharkicorns? Right now, the dodi is enjoying the single life, though his mother hopes that he’ll settle down soon and give her some grandodis.
Yeah, that’s all great, but how did you guys end up using it as your mascot? Well, technically it started with this comment:
…and then it caught on fire. Bravo, Ms Andrews – bravo. I’m a little sad she forgot the whole ‘attacked by a shark and struck by lightning AND THEN pushed off a cliff by a dodo riding a unicorn’ bit, but what’re you gonna do?
And this is the first recorded instance of the dodisharkicorn in picture form:
And here’s the Dodicorn (we’re not sure what the shark was up to at this time, this is obviously a different regeneration):
Now, since he can apparently time travel, here he is during his rebellious teen phase, which is why he’s dyed pink and missing the dodo:
In case you were wondering, Meg and I can attest to the fact that the Dodisharkicorn makes a superior mattress experience:
And our good pal the Byronic Man just recently won a ride!
And finally, he is hugely interested in history…since he’s been there, done that most of the time.
Hopefully, this little tutorial on our favourite beast, the Dodisharkicorn, has given you the answers you’ve been seeking. If not…pose your question in the comments, and he may see fit to allow us to answer it at some point in the future.
