Dodisharkicorn: The Legend Behind the ‘Corn

We know, we know…you’ve all got questions about the Dodisharkicorn.  It’s only natural.  Few of you were here at the time of its first inception, and it has regenerated so many times by now that we’d be frightened to know what it saw when peering into the Untempered Schism.

The truth is – the Dodisharkicorn is quite secretive in nature.  He doesn’t really want you to know much about him at all, but we’ve received permission to give you a few hints.

Where does the Dodisharkicorn live?  Ah, an astute question right off the bat.  You’re absolutely correct to wonder this, Questioner.  Given his – er - specialness, the Dodisharkicorn isn’t one to just hang out on Earth, right?  I mean, really.  Where is he going to live?  In a pond outside your back door?  How threatening is that?  No.  Of course the Dodisharkicorn is not an Earthly Creature.  He actually lives on one of the moons of Jupiter in Dodisharkitropolis, whose location we are not at liberty to divulge.

What does the Dodisharkicorn eat?  Faeriecakes.  And Faeries.  Look, the Dodisharkicorn needs huge quantities of protein to survive, but he’s not about to eat humans.  We’re gross.  Also, he has a problem with sugar.  Hello, early onset diabetes!  But, really – MommaDodi took him to McFaeries too often when he was little, so it’s not like he’s actually to blame or anything, right?  He has recently changed his diet to only include free-range faeries and faeriecakes, so…he’s trying, okay?

How does the Dodisharkicorn clean itself?  Um.  It bathes in glitter.  Dur.

Elvis or the Beatles?  Dude.  Take a good look at the Dodisharkicorn.  Tell me you can’t imagine sideburns and a bedazzled leather suit.

Are there female Dodisharkicorns?  Of course there are!  You can tell them apart because the women have braids.  For realsies.

Does the Dodisharkicorn read?  Only if he thinks he can insert himself into the story.  He’s like a trashy version of Archeron Hades.  You can find him in many VC Andrews books, and the work of Jean M Auel.

Hobbies?  In his spare time, the dodisharkicorn enjoys golfing, reading, jet skiing, training dogs, performing in circuses and writing multilinear calculus theorems.

Hey, will there ever be baby dodisharkicorns? Right now, the dodi is enjoying the single life, though his mother hopes that he’ll settle down soon and give her some grandodis.

Yeah, that’s all great, but how did you guys end up using it as your mascot?  Well, technically it started with this comment:

…and then it caught on fire.  Bravo, Ms Andrews – bravo.  I’m a little sad she forgot the whole ‘attacked by a shark and struck by lightning AND THEN pushed off a cliff by a dodo riding a unicorn’ bit, but what’re you gonna do?

And this is the first recorded instance of the dodisharkicorn in picture form:

And here’s the Dodicorn (we’re not sure what the shark was up to at this time, this is obviously a different regeneration):

Now, since he can apparently time travel, here he is during his rebellious teen phase, which is why he’s dyed pink and missing the dodo:

In case you were wondering, Meg and I can attest to the fact that the Dodisharkicorn makes a superior mattress experience:

And our good pal the Byronic Man just recently won a ride!

And finally, he is hugely interested in history…since he’s been there, done that most of the time.

Hopefully, this little tutorial on our favourite beast, the Dodisharkicorn, has given you the answers you’ve been seeking.  If not…pose your question in the comments, and he may see fit to allow us to answer it at some point in the future.

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37 thoughts on “Dodisharkicorn: The Legend Behind the ‘Corn

  1. Me and the dodisharkicorn are like THIS. (Um, I’m crossing my fingers right now)

    It’s nice to know some history, but I wasn’t going to pry. Dodisharkicorn accepts me for who I am, and I return the courtesy.

  2. Oh, Dodisharkicorn. I am so glad to know your elusive history. I feel blessed. Please pronounce that “bless-ED” and not “blest” because otherwise it just doesn’t work for me.

    (That teeny Simba face in that picture has me in stitches. He looks SO PERPLEXED.)

    • The Dodisharkicorn always uses the Shakespearean éd endings, so of course he knew how to pronounce Blesséd correctly.

      He’s also slightly pretentious and completely insufferable at times.

  3. I love this history as being extremely new around here (the last week maybe?) I’m fascinated by the Dodisharkicorn. Who apparently has an illustrious past! Although, I confess, I’m shocked he’s not a Beatles fan due to the whole Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds presentation he has, especially during his teen years.

    Your blog is great.

    • Well, after receiving quite a few hits over the last few days that were essentially questions about his origins, we decided we should probably give the people what they want.

      The Dodisharkicorn doesn’t hate the Beatles, he just prefers Elvis. His favourite song is Devil in Disguise.

  4. Yay Dodisharkicorn! I am satisfied with the information here, and yet I still want more. Perhaps we could have another origins story in the future…perhaps with a story of one of his adventures? Pretty please?!

  5. Do we know too much? Do we need to know more? I feel so unresolved. I have questions. On the other hand, who am I to question the existence of any creature, when I am completely made-up and created from my own imagination?

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  10. Wait, it just occurred to me… why would Dodisharkicorn’s sweet bronze shield have a Lamda for Lakadaemon instead of a Delta for Dodisharkicorn? Because if I were Leonidas and got the Dodisharkicorn to fight for me, I’d damned well give him his own device.

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