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I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, either.

by sj

I don’t get audiobooks.

I mean, I understand the concept of audiobooks, I just don’t think they make a whole lot of sense for me.

I bring this up today because when attempting to find the other Zamonia books this weekend, I discovered that the first two are not available as ebooks, but they ARE available as audiobooks – read by none other than Bronson Pinchot (if B-Man is reading this, he probably just squealed a little).

You know how you can listen to your audiobooks at 3x without the pitch rising? This is what I imagine going on inside my iPod when I speed it up.

I feel the need to add here, that my primary reason for not wanting to purchase tree books at the moment is not because I’ve become a digital only snob, but because I have issues with my hands currently that make holding a book and turning actual pages difficult, if not sometimes impossible.  My eReader is what allows me to continue to read, even when my hands are so bad I can’t hold a book.

So…why not audio?  Well, I’ve tried them before (after the urging of a friend to try listening to The Guide as read by DNA) and I always think it’s exceptionally clever and might even be fun…for about two minutes.

Which is the point that my mind starts to wander because I don’t have the tether of the words on the page.

People have said “Oh, but I can ‘read’ while I’m doing all these other things!  I can read on my commute!  I can read while I’m doing my chores!” and so on.

  • Audiobooks while driving – I would get myself killed or would have to go back and read the entire book over again.  I know my limitations, and would prefer to keep my attention on the road when I’m behind the wheel of something that could potentially cause harm to myself or others.  That’s not to say that many people aren’t able to do this, but I know that this is not a viable option for me.  Yes, I’m one of those people that turns the radio down to look for an address.  Shut up.
  • Audiobooks while doing chores – I can’t even listen to music while I’m doing chores, unless I do so with one earbud hanging next to me so I can listen for kids crying.  Sadly, kids crying is frequent occurrence in my house.
  • Audiobooks while knitting/crafting/whatever other hobby you have – Um…reading is my hobby.  I can’t really listen to an audiobook while I’m reading (how meta!), and I can’t blog or tweet or do anything else that doesn’t allow me to devote my entire attention to the book I’m listening to while I’m listening.  I don’t want to have to go back and RELISTEN to everything again.
  • Audiobooks help people read faster – Not me.  For example, The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear (which is what started me on this whole subject) is 16 hours long.  SIXTEEN HOURS!  ZOMG, if I had 16 hours to devote to just straight reading, I’d finish this book and probably 2 others!  This is not a timesaver for me.  This is slowing me down.  I never have much time to just sit and read.  I have 4 kids and I homeschool 3 of them.  My reading is confined to 5 or 10 minutes at a time.  What I call reading sprints.  I read while I’m stirring the pasta, I read while I’m standing outside the bathroom, waiting for one of the kids to finish so I can make sure their hands are clean, I read while I’m waiting for the toaster to pop up the waffles.  What I don’t EVER get to do is just sit and read (or listen!) to anything for 16 hours at a stretch.
  • Audiobooks for the vision impaired – This is the one that makes the most sense to me.  Before I got my new glasses earlier this year, I had to constantly adjust the font size of every book I read on my reader.  With my old glasses, I needed to read at at least the medium sized font but WITHOUT my glasses, I need the largest size.  No joke, the largest font size only fits 5-10 words on the screen.

…and now this has turned into a bit of a lengthy rant, when really I was originally just sad that these books aren’t available digitally.

Is anyone willing to listen to them and transcribe them for me?

Do audiobooks work for you?  If so, when do you listen to them?  How do you manage to tune out other distractions?  If you listen while driving, how do you find that balance of keeping your eyes on the road while still paying attention to the story?

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Posted on September 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm in books   |  RSS feed |   Respond   |   Trackback URL

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55 Comments to “I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, either.”

    
  1. emmawolf
    September 10, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    One of my favorite books was first given to me as an audio book when I was 10, so the concept generally gives me that warm fuzzy. Then (and now) I read the most just before bed. So it would be nice to curl up in bed with the lights all off and “read” until I fell asleep. (But my walkman would play cassettes on a loop, so it would play the same chapters over and over again until I stopped it, thus leaving me with no idea where I left off the night before.)

    Reply
  2. Michael Cargill
    September 10, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    I don’t really get the appeal of audio books, either.

    Reading a book, fine.
    Watching a film, fine.
    Listening to music, fine.

    Listening to a book… nah, doesn’t work for me.

    Reply
  3. becomingcliche
    September 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I have the attention span of a caffeinated toddler. There’s no way I could pay attention to a book on tape. I tune out the automated calls from the school after about 58 seconds.

    Reply
  4. Certainly Not (@KateSherrod)
    September 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I was exactly like you until I fell in with the Podiobooks crowd, which teems with new, unknown talent doing it all themselves. There’s something very compelling about hearing a fledgling author narrating his own first or second novel that grabbed me. They know exactly what they meant for every line and make it clear, and pour their entire personalities into what they do. It’s quite extraordinary. Professional audiobooks, not so much.

    So it was kind of a slow evolution for me. Now, though, I’m finding it difficult to find the time to listen to any podcasts, even the ones I consider super-important like Planet Money. When I’m home and at leisure (because I am child-free) is the logical time to do it, but that’s when I write (and yes, when these novels & novellas are done, I will probably release them as Podiobooks first, because them’s my people). I used to listen to them on my bike commute but I’ve gotten into this whole “be there now” thing when I’m biking so I’ve stopped.

    I’m currently taking a hard look at my time management, trying to deliberately earmark some time for Podiobooks (it’s how I’ve found some of my favorite authors, after all, like James Melzer, Phil Rossi, Seth Harwood, Scott Sigler, Dan Sawyer, Nobilis Reed, Michele Merlin/Bekemeyer, Jennifer Hudock, John Mierau, et al) — which I never thought would be the case because up until a few years ago, I was definitely an audiobook meh person.

    Reply
    • sj
      September 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

      I don’t even really like being read to, though. Like, when I was a kid, I got in trouble for reading my own damn books when the teacher was reading to the class.

      I can’t focus if I don’t have the words in front of me (and I don’t listen to podiocasts/talk radio/anything non-music on either).

      In fact, if I can’t hear the tv, I’m more likely to focus on captioning than turning the volume up.

      It’s probably why I’m so rubbish with the phone now. If a call is longer than 30 seconds I stop paying attention.

      Reply
  5. lucysfootball
    September 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Only when I can’t find them in any other format, and I’ve only done that three times (all Stephen King books – he’s the only person I’m willing to go the extra mile for, it seems). Once in my car (drove off the road into the rumble strips, nice job, Amy!) once on a plane (got so scared had to stop listening) and once on my laptop while blogging (that was ok but I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have.) I don’t like it much at all.

    Reply
  6. Elizabeth Snell (@me_mumstheword)
    September 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I love listening to audiobooks while driving. I don’t find them too distracting, or maybe I just don’t pay enough attention to my driving. I can’t multitask while listening, unless I’m knitting or doing some sort of needlework. My biggest problem with audiobooks is that a bad reader can ruin the whole book.

    Reply
    • sj
      September 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

      I guess I haven’t listened to any with bad readers/narrators, all that I’ve tried have been perfectly competent. I think if I’d come across a poor narrator, I’d probably have a stronger anti-audiobooks opinion than I already do.

      Reply
  7. nrlymrtl
    September 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I only started listening to audiobooks like 4-5 years ago. At first, I had many of the inhibitions you had. But then I put one in for my commute (1hour 1 way). Next, doing wifely house chores became tolerable with a book going. (Truly, my cleaning doesn’t have to be perfect as my man doesn’t take note of it anyway). Then I discovered i can go Titan Questing on my computer and listen to a fantasy action book.

    The only time I have been severely distracted by a book while driving has been in listening to Jacqueline Carey or Mary Roach. Those ladies are detailed oriented and the subject matter deserves my full attention (highly entertaining).

    Reply
    • emmawolf
      September 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      The mention of Jacqueline Carey on audiobook reminded me of this story (even though it’s not about her): so the mother of a friend of mine is in a nursing home. My friend is trying to find audiobooks for her mom. Her mom likes historical fiction, so my friend eventually decided to bring her some Phillipa Greggory and hoped it wouldn’t be too racy for her. It wasn’t, she loved it. As did all the nurses, who all huddled in her room to hear the racy bits. I’m trying to imagine the scene if she’d given her mom Jacqueline Carey.

      Reply
      • nrlymrtl
        September 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

        I absolutely love J. Carey. And I am not particularly a prude when it comes to chatting about sex. With that said, I am not too sure I would put a J. Carey book on in a public place because I do try to be respectful of other people’s comfort levels.
        Tho some people are all the more attractive with a lovely blush on.

        Reply
    • sj
      September 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

      I’ve read the first few Kushiel books, but I don’t know that I could enjoy them as audio! Wow, I’d REALLY have to make sure everyone was asleep.

      Reply
  8. Jillian ♣
    September 10, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    I can only abide an audio book when I have the text itself sitting in front of me so I can follow along. :)

    Reply
  9. wordsmith94
    September 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I agree with you completely, sj. I find myself drifting off, thinking of other things, and then having to go back and listen to it again. The only non-music I can listen to is the podcast of ‘This American Life’. Love that programme!! But, like yourself, I even prefer subtitles over turning the TV up.
    And your part about listening while reading (how meta!) made me laugh.
    Give me the anchor of letters on a page forming words in my mind, any day!

    Reply
    • sj
      September 10, 2012 at 6:47 pm

      I think this is all ties into why I frequently don’t enjoy film adaptations of book. If I hear the narrator’s accent or choice of inflection, I can’t NOT hear it from then on, and it detracts from my enjoyment.

      Also, [fistbump] for subtitles/captioning!

      Reply
      • wordsmith94
        September 10, 2012 at 7:00 pm

        Yeah, I get you. I always try to read a novel before I see the film. It’s better that way, anyway, I reckon. It helps if the director and screenwriter are both amazing, too.

        [Return fistbump!] :P

        Reply
  10. JulieK (@julieako)
    September 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    I tried an audio book once and hated it. I had no idea what was going on, and to this day have never picked up the book to find out. I love the act of reading. I read while drying my hair and brushing my teeth. I read anything put in front of me, menus, ads, you name it.

    Reply
  11. Heather
    September 10, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I prefer words on a page, but I can listen to audiobooks, too. The Dark Tower series on audiobook is pretty damn good. My mom is legally blind, so she had to listen to audiobooks for years until the Kindle came out. She and my dad still listen to them in the car on long road trips. I haven’t listened to one in a very long time, though.

    Reply
    • sj
      September 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm

      The Gunslinger was one that I’ve tried. A work friend burned them to discs for me to listen to during my interminable SoCal commutes and I was unable to concentrate because traffic was so horrible on the 91. I have so many other things to do when I could be listening that I can’t pay attention.

      Reply
  12. The Byronic Man
    September 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    But does Pinchot read them in a Serge voice?

    We just listened to a non-fiction book on audio and it was agony because it included lists: lists of names, belongings, even – at one point – the contents of someone’s dish cupboard. In print you can skim through that to get the point. But on audio it’s a long, slow, arduous trudge through the dish inventory.

    Reply
    • sj
      September 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

      No, sadly, it was his normal voice – but I guess he has a different voice for each character so he might USE the Serge voice at some point!

      I can’t even imagine how horrible that audiobook was.

      Reply
  13. thislittleinfinity
    September 10, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    I’ve found that I can only listen to audio if it’s a book I’ve read before (so I can listen/do chores and it’s no big deal if I miss a bit) or if I listen before bed and follow along with the print version. That seems pointless, I know, but sometimes I think it’s nice to hear a story being told to you when the teller’s voice is just right. I could also listen sometimes when I was walking home along a familiar route, or at work on my lunch break.

    I actually just bought an audiobook solely because it was read by David Tennant! My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece by Annabel Pilcher–it’s a British YA novel.

    Reply
  14. Mel
    September 10, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    It’s not reading. That’s my beef with audiobooks. You can’t listen to someone else read a book and them claim to have read it. Reading is a word with a definition just like every other word. And what you do when listening to an audio book? It isn’t reading. It’s listening. You’re engaging different parts of your brain when you read than when you listen. Watching the movie doesn’t mean you’ve read the book, and listening to the audiobook doesn’t mean you’ve read the book. That’s my whole issue- the phrasing. I have no solid reason to be irritated by it, but I am.

    Reply
    • sj
      September 11, 2012 at 12:23 am

      It kind of irritates me too. You haven’t actually read the book until you’ve READ it. Yes, you had it read to you, but I don’t think that’s the same thing, therefore the phraseology should be different.

      Reply
    • Heather
      September 11, 2012 at 12:49 am

      So this begs the question:

      How does one who is unable to read a treebook answer the following question:

      “Have you ever read [insert title]?”
      “No, I’m sorry, I’ve never read that. I’ve only listened to it.”?

      How about braille readers?
      “No, I’m sorry, I’ve never read that. I’ve only felt it.”?

      Of course, technically, “read” and “listen” have different definitions. But I think telling someone who will never have the pleasure of “reading” a book that they’ve never “read” a book is just silly. And potentially hurtful. I’ll be the first to admit I’m picky about the book sphere, but this is too picky.

      I also don’t think it’s fair to lump movie adaptations in with audiobooks, as they’re two totally different things.

      Reply
      • Heather
        September 11, 2012 at 12:51 am

        They’re also two* different things. Oops.

        Reply
      • sj
        September 11, 2012 at 1:09 am

        I wasn’t being ableist at all, Heather. Or, that wasn’t my intention, anyway.

        I am pretty sure I mentioned in the post that vision impairment is the one case I completely understand, didn’t I?

        Reply
        • Heather
          September 11, 2012 at 7:33 am

          I know you weren’t. I was just giving my thoughts on that whole “listening isn’t reading” debate. Books are a beautiful thing, and one of the most beautiful things about them is that they come in so many different forms and made accessible to so many people–words on the page, digital, audio, braille. Traditionally, the word “read” has been associated with books, and I just think that as book lovers, it seems strange to me that we’re so picky about this.

          Maybe, since books come in so many different formats now, we need to change how we talk about them in everyday conversation? I don’t know. Because no matter what format they’re in, they’re still books. Maybe we need to start thinking about it as “experiencing” a book instead of “reading”? I’m just thinking aloud.

          I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was accusing you of being ableist. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted people to think about the reverse side of this debate.

          Reply
          • sj
            September 11, 2012 at 9:54 am

            I understand what you’re saying, which is one reason I mentioned that we needed new phraseology.

            As an example of how I see it:

            I’ve been reading The Hobbit to my 6 year old at night. Sometimes we don’t even make it through a chapter, but we’ve been working our way through it.

            When we finish, will he be able to say that he’s read it?

            I would say no, but how is that different than if he’d listened to the audiobook? Is it because I’m not professional or recorded?

            And I’m not being contrary on purpose, I really am trying to understand how it’s different.

            My issue with movie adaptations is similar to my problems with audiobooks. I think they (in a sense) deprive you of your imagination by assigning voices and drama where you might not have on your own.

            Like in the Thursday Next Bookworld where Harry Potter is sad that everyone thinks he looks like Daniel Radcliffe now.

            I’m not saying they’re the same thing, but I think they amount to almost the same thing.

            Reply
            • David Jón Fuller
              September 11, 2012 at 12:01 pm

              I think reading with a child is a communal kind of reading and would say the child is part of it (I read The Hobbit to my daughter this summer after reading it during #PtBiB) — so while the child isn’t
              “reading” the book on his/her own, I still think of that as reading. I’m sitting there with her, she’s looking at the pages, going back to look at things we’ve read, asking questions and looking at the pictures. I don’t think it’s quite the same thing as listening to an audiobook. If I listen to Kelsey Grammar’s version of The Cat in the Hat I don’t feel he and I have read it together.

              Reply
  15. greengeekgirl
    September 10, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    I’m basically in agreement as far as why I can’t listen to audiobooks (although I have no judgment for others who do listen to them, I just can’t personally pay close enough attention… it’s not like it’s an adaptation, it’s the full story if you don’t get an abridged version–but I digress). The one audiobooks I will listen to forever are any by David Sedaris. That man has a gift for reading that makes his audiobooks amazingly entertaining. (Plus, since they’re essays, they’re a little bit shorter and you can digest in many settings.)

    Reply
    • Heather
      September 10, 2012 at 11:57 pm

      Oooo…I never thought about Sedaris audiobooks. I would love to hear him read his own essays. I’m going to work on that.

      Reply
    • wordsmith94
      September 11, 2012 at 5:31 am

      Oh yeah, Sedaris is great. I love him on ‘This American Life’! Have you ever tried David Rakoff? I have a feeling, if you like Sedaris’ essays, that you’ll love Rakoff’s. Let me know if you decide to give him a listen. I’d be intrigued to see what you think :)

      Reply
  16. David Jón Fuller
    September 11, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    I’ve always liked the idea of audiobooks, but I think part of why I don’t listen to them is that part of what I love about reading is that it’s QUIET. It’s peaceful, I don’t feel I have to listen to someone talking to me, I control the pace of the story with my eyes — those are aspects of reading that are integral to the experience. AS for the sound of a person’s voice affecting how I imagine the story, I don’t find it has a huge effect — no more than the typeface or the paper stock of a book. it’s just one take on the story, the real work on creating the world and the characters is taking place between the author’s words and your imagination.
    I think the audio “books” I’ve loved the most were theatre adaptations — Sir Alec Guinness as Macbeth and Kenneth Branagh as Hamlet, in some great BBC productions.

    Reply
  17. borkadventures
    September 16, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Same for me SJ! I was actually about to write about this at the blog, but you’ve put my feelings and experiences down perfectly.

    I’m dealing with this right now as I listen to World War Z. I actually chose audiobook over the hardcover at the library because WWZ is an oral history of the zombie war and audio seemed right for the experience. Plus Brooks employed a full cast for his characters and Henry Rollins as a mercenary just sounded awesome.

    But! I keep spacing out! I don’t want to space out with this book. There are too many details I’m missing. I keep having to rewind and listen to chapters over again. In the end, I’m just going to have to re-read the book.

    It’s cool that I get to wash dishes, prep my veggies, and cook while listening and learning about the battle at Yonkers. It’s not cool that I had to listen to it twice to figure it out!

    Reply
    

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