Like that time he asked for a blueberry cake with red frosting.
I realized this morning the real reason I have continually put off participating in NaNoWriMo, and it’s not just because I have this massive fear of failure.
Tomorrow is my youngest son’s birthday. He’ll be 6. In all the rush to get Hallowe’en costumes ready, and stressing over what the hell I’m going to write about starting today, his birthday was kind of put on the backburner. It wasn’t until he got up today and ran over to the calendar tacked onto the fridge and shouted “TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!” that I realized how little I’m prepared for it. There are still gifts to buy and…I don’t know – something to plan. Maybe a cake to bake. He never really eats cake, though, even when I make it exactly like he wants.
…and then, next week is husband’s birthday. And while we as adults never really celebrate our birthdays, I still want to do something. Luckily, his birthday always falls near the release of a new Call of Duty game (seriously, the last several years, that’s been his gift – talk about ease of shopping), but I’d like to do SOMETHING for him.
Oh, and the week after that is middlest son’s birthday. So. Of our family of 6, half of them have birthdays in November.
Plus, there’s Thanksgiving, and that takes 2 days of preparation (I do all the baking, shut up – it takes forever), plus the actual stupid holiday, plus all of the clean up.
Add onto all of the birthday stuff trying to write 50,000 words in 30 days, when almost a week of possible writing days are already taken by other previous things, and…well, that’s why I’ve never attempted it before.
I’ve managed to write close to 800 words so far today (not including however many this post ends up being). I hate most of them. I also am no longer so in love with this idea I had that I was ZOMG SO EXCITED about. I actually think it’s kind of stupid and don’t even know that I want to write it anymore, but I feel like I did all of this outlining and reading in preparation that I SHOULD write about it.
Honestly, I know all of this is just me being down on myself. I truly am afraid of failing. I wish I were one of those people who signed up for NaNo under a name no one knows so that if I won, I could be all “SURPRISE, LOOK WHAT I DID!” but if I failed, I wouldn’t have to admit to anyone that I’d even tried.
[sigh]
I’mma just go curl up in a ball on the couch and try not to hyperventilate for a bit. The kids are all running around screaming right now, anyway, and I can’t even muster up enough the enthusiasm to yell.
You can do this. It might even be fun! I’ll be home later this evening. We’ll break through this wall of doubt. Your idea is top notch, and I expect to read it in December.
Happy birthday to your crew! August and December are our busy b-day months.
Pfft. December. When I finish this draft, I’m not touching it again until at least January. That means NO ONE ELSE gets to touch it either.
For me, that month of all-birthdays + Thanksgiving + Halloween is October. It can be a total grind. Like a moron, I decided I wanted to have the draft I was still working one DONE by my birthday! (Barely managed that.) But do write! Even a small amount every day is progress.
Also, I don’t know what everyone else in NaNoWriMo thinks, but first drafts always feel like they suck. It’s because the untouched, awesome-feeling idea is finally taking on form in reality and reality never matches (at first) what you know you want to create. That’s what revision is for, dur. (I know you know that; I also know how disspiriting it is when the awesome seems to drain out of your story as you finally begin writing it.) Seriously, first drafts need permission to suck. No outline can account for all the pitfalls you may encounter, nor all the flashes of brilliance that ONLY occur to you AS YOU WRITE. I don’t think the point of a first draft is ever to be GOOD… it’s mainly to give you an idea of what your story is, where you actually want it to go, and where it isn’t working. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth drafts may also be for that, IMHO! Writers need the freedom to rip apart their stories wherever they are not working and feel no shame about it.
That’s partly also why I never show first drafts of things to anyone anymore. How can I expect them to give me any kind of useful feedback about the story if I’m still figuring that part out? Feedback too early can result in writing a story to someone else’s expectations, not your own.
Please pardon my ranting, I feel very strongly about this!
As for the writing: JUST DO IT. At whatever pace you can manage. And give it permission to suck — then it will also be free to kick ass.
I still don’t know if I’m in love with the idea I have like I originally thought it was. I’ve decided that I don’t care if it sucks because at least I’ll have tried to write again.
YES!
*BIG hugs*
Goodness lady! You’ve got a busy month ahead. It makes sense why you stayed away from NaNoWriMo until now. Are you still thinking of forging ahead?
I toyed with the idea too but with leaving for a humanitarian aid trip to the Middle East on Saturday for 12 days, I knew it wouldn’t happen…
Keep us posted on what you decide/how things go! Got your back!!
Yeah, I’m still going to try. I must be crazy. Husband told youngest son last night that we’re going to do one big celebration for everyone later in the month, so that took some of the pressure off.
I feel the same way. Everything I wrote today is stupid. My idea is stupid. Well, I felt that way coming in to it, but in October it was kitchy stupid. Now it’s just stupid stupid.
But I think David has a lot of good advice. Someone only gets better at writing by writing, and the first draft of anything is like throwing up on a computer screen.
The only way to get to a good draft is to finish the draft you’re on. The only way to finish the draft is to keep writing. The main thing stopping most people from writing is listening to the voice that says, “This is no good. Stop writing.”
<3 Well, I love your idea, so…
I want to taste that cake so bad I can… ummmmm… taste it…
It was a pretty good cake. The frosting was cream cheese with rum flavouring (because he loves butter rum lifesavers), so it was a REDRUM FROSTING.
You are killing me.
For me personally, even though I’m more or less a novelist, the NaNoWriMo is an insane concept, even though I love it. Have I ever actually done it? Of course not. Would I love to? Sure, most heartily! But here’s the thing: I’m a mom and I teach high school full-time. I also have five writing projects going on right now, if you count the novel I’m currently pitching and the blog I’m trying to be meaningful with. Writing 50,000 words, even crappy ones, in 30 days means zero sleep, and I don’t exactly have a reserve of that built up.
So instead, I’m endeavoring to participate in a substantive way on at least one of my writing projects each day. That is, I’m going to do serious editing or real drafting (preferably the latter, saving the former for complete or nearly complete first drafts). And in this way I will at least accomplish one important goal: I will have written, for real, every day for a month. So what if I didn’t produce an inane and frustrated first draft of a short novel that I’d just have to cannibalize later anyway?
But then maybe that’s just me.
Don’t beat yourself up over this. Write what’s comfortable for you each day, and then be proud of yourself for being a writer who has persevered. So many of our lot never make it that bloody far.
I wrote the first draft of my first novel (which I will never publish) in the 3-Day Novel Writing Contest that was run out of Vancouver. Fantastic, exhausting experience, and I didn’t care that I didn’t win, since the end of the long weekend I had a frikkin’ NOVEL. Spent a long time revising it and working with an editor before deciding it wasn’t the novel I really wanted to write. But it had totally destroyed any mental blocks I had had about being able to write one, so all around it was a great experience.
That sounds awesome! Way to go you on juggernauting through the mental block.
I actually think the idea of doing it for 3 days instead of 30 is more appealing — oddly, more doable. I can sustain that level of writing mania for a long weekend but not for a whole month.
Well, again, this is my first time trying to write anything (other than the blog, but that’s not fiction, so I don’t really count it) in ~20 years. So, I don’t know. I liked writing when I was younger, but kind of gave up on it because I didn’t ever feel like I was that good at it. We’ll see what happens this month.
I’m excited for you to be doing it regardless.
Writing fiction 20 years ago is bound to be different from writing fiction now because you are most likely a different person from whom you were 20 years ago. Cool people tend to evolve like that. 
I like this, but I don’t LIKE like it.
First: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL THE PEOPLE! Crap, I wish I wasn’t so busy tomorrow. Kiddo needs an Amy-video. Maybe I’ll make one for both of them next week when I have a little time. *plots* *plans*
You can do this. You can absolutely do this. Your idea is wonderful; YOU are wonderful. And you know what? Even if you don’t get it done THIS month, you’ll have a start. And I will be here cheering you on NEXT month and the month AFTER and the month AFTER until you DO get it done.
Love you to death. You can do this. I know it.
Thank you. <3
I'mma go read my motivational email again.
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