You’ll get nothing and like it.

This is the kid that did “kung fu moves” while decorating the tree last year.

Me:  Hey, we should write letters to Santa, shouldn’t we?

6y/o:  YES!  Here’s a pen!

Me:  No, I meant you should write it.

6y/o:  Santa can’t read my handwriting.  You write for me, please?

Me:  Well, since you said please.

Me:  Okay, how do you want to open this?  You can’t just say “Bring me ALL THE THINGS!”  Santa likes it if you’re polite when you’re asking him for things.

6y/o:  I don’t think Santa cares about that.

Me:  …

6y/o:  Just in case.

Me:  Wait, don’t you think “very good” is a bit of a stretch?

6y/o:  Are you saying I HAVEN’T BEEN VERY GOOD?  MOMMY!

Me:  No, I’m just saying that might be overkill.  Also, “please bring me-”

6y/o:  Mommy, you can write your own letter.  This is mine, okay?

Me:  Fine.

Me:  Wait, like those web shooters you got a few years ago for your birthday that ended up ALL OVER the ceiling fan?

6y/o:  Yes.  Those were the best.  Tell Santa I want 2.

Me:  I think that’s implied by “shooterS,” don’t you?

6y/o:  Yeah, I guess.

Me:  Okay, what else?

6y/o:  A new Spongebob punching bag.  Since [7y/o] BIT A HOLE IN MY LAST ONE.

Me:  Are you trying to get [7y/o] in trouble with Santa?

6y/o:  NO!  …  Okay, maybe.

Me:  How about we just write a new punching bag?

6y/o:  Okay, but I don’t want Spongebob anymore.

Me:  All right, what next, dude?

6y/o:  I want a remote control car that has REAL working headlights.

6y/o:  Mommy!  That doesn’t say REAL.

Me:  No, I know, but Santa will figure it out.

6y/o:  I don’t think he will.

Me:  Will you trust me on this?  Which one of us knows Santa?

6y/o:  [dubious glare]

Me:  Come on, can we finish this up, please?

6y/o:  Fine.

6y/o:  No.  I said TOY STORY 2.  I don’t see a 2 there.

Me:  You know, if you wrote this yourself, you wouldn’t have to worry about me getting it right.

6y/o:  No, I guess that’s okay.  Will Santa know that Toy Story 2 is my favourite?

Me:  Of course he will!

6y/o:  Okay.

Me:  What?  You don’t even WATCH that show anymore!

6y/o:  I know but [sister] does!  If I ask Santa for something that is for HER then he’ll bring me more stuff because I’m being so nice.

Me:  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way, bud.

6y/o:  Too late, you already wrote it!

Me:  [sigh]  What else?

Me:  Dude.  I’m pretty sure if Santa brings you that, you won’t be getting much else.

6y/o:  I know, that’s why I asked for a bunch of little things first.  If the thing I want the most is last, that’s what Santa ALWAYS BRINGS.

Me:  You’re too tricksy for your own good.

6y/o:  I know, I am the BEST at letters to Santa!

Is anyone else already tired of the holidays?

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144 thoughts on “You’ll get nothing and like it.

  1. Bahahaha! I want to buy him a Christmas present because that kid is awesome! Very clever, asking for something for his sister ;)

  2. That’s my secret nephew! What a smart kiddo! I used to do the SAME THING, only my final thing was always “a dog” and every year I’d like “WHERE IS MY DOG SANTA NEVER LISTENS!!!”

    Someday I’m getting myself a dog. Too bad, Santa, I’m tired of waiting!

      • “Whaaat, but Mooom, that was a private conversation with Santa! Now everyone will want to try my secret ask-for-something-for-your-sister technique (and also Santa will catch on)!” ;)

        • Awww, the punching bag he was talking about (that the older brother bit a hole in?) was one of those “Well. Santa has no effing clue because your list kinda sucked, kid” presents. Luckily he loved it.

            • Any time!

              BTW, I visited your blog and we have a lot of books in common (well, mostly the Jasper Fforde! I always giggle gleefully when I find another Fforde ffan). :)

              • Surprisingly, I only read it because it was a class assigned book but I loved it. I really need to read more.I have the second Thursday Next but haven’t got around to it yet. It’s on my “to read” list.
                Your blog has made me want to blog so I’m in the process. Thanks for the push! I suck at blogging.

    • Oh no! I can’t even think about that yet! Our oldest is 13, and he’s already got all the girls interested in him. [sigh] I am NOT READY for this.

        • Oh, man. That kid…it’s been happening pretty much his whole life. It’s weird for me (always the weird kid growing up) having a semi-popular kid.

          He’s really a cool kid, though. I’m way proud of him and the fact that he is comfortable remaining an individual.

  3. That was awesome. Like,kick over a garbage can and do a rebel yell kind of awesome.
    That kid is Christmas-list-writing comic gold!
    By the way, thanks for the Christmas ideas (web shooters, THAT’S WHAT I WAS MISSING!

  4. I’m so sorry that I missed this the first time around – but so glad that I saw you on freshly pressed. I wish I could come up with an appropriate Monty Python congrats, but I’m empty today. You knew you’d be posted up there some day.

  5. Pingback: Thanksblogging « The Warden's Walk

    • He so totally is! Husband and I have a very hard time saying no to him. He’s just so much better at it than the other kids. I don’t know if I should be proud of that fact.

  6. The other day my eldest was in such a bad mood after a telling off, she turned to me and said “I hid MY Christmas list” so I turned to her and said “well that’s one thing less I have to stress about” yes I am sick of it already… I wish there was a fast foward button to the New Year…Bah humbug

  7. I have to endure the pen….circling everything on the page while she mutters “I want that and that and that and that and that and that ” page after page

  8. Pingback: I have a bit of a sad, guys. | snobbery

    • Thank you, Nicolle! I wish I still had my letters, too. Especially the one where I said “Dear Santa, I haven’t been good – don’t bother bringing me anything.”

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