Me: Hey, we should write letters to Santa, shouldn’t we?
6y/o: YES! Here’s a pen!
Me: No, I meant you should write it.
6y/o: Santa can’t read my handwriting. You write for me, please?
Me: Well, since you said please.
Me: Okay, how do you want to open this? You can’t just say “Bring me ALL THE THINGS!” Santa likes it if you’re polite when you’re asking him for things.
6y/o: I don’t think Santa cares about that.
6y/o: Just in case.
Me: Wait, don’t you think “very good” is a bit of a stretch?
6y/o: Are you saying I HAVEN’T BEEN VERY GOOD? MOMMY!
Me: No, I’m just saying that might be overkill. Also, “please bring me-”
6y/o: Mommy, you can write your own letter. This is mine, okay?
Me: Wait, like those web shooters you got a few years ago for your birthday that ended up ALL OVER the ceiling fan?
6y/o: Yes. Those were the best. Tell Santa I want 2.
Me: I think that’s implied by “shooterS,” don’t you?
6y/o: Yeah, I guess.
Me: Okay, what else?
6y/o: A new Spongebob punching bag. Since [7y/o] BIT A HOLE IN MY LAST ONE.
Me: Are you trying to get [7y/o] in trouble with Santa?
6y/o: NO! … Okay, maybe.
Me: How about we just write a new punching bag?
6y/o: Okay, but I don’t want Spongebob anymore.
Me: All right, what next, dude?
6y/o: I want a remote control car that has REAL working headlights.
6y/o: Mommy! That doesn’t say REAL.
Me: No, I know, but Santa will figure it out.
6y/o: I don’t think he will.
Me: Will you trust me on this? Which one of us knows Santa?
6y/o: [dubious glare]
Me: Come on, can we finish this up, please?
6y/o: No. I said TOY STORY 2. I don’t see a 2 there.
Me: You know, if you wrote this yourself, you wouldn’t have to worry about me getting it right.
6y/o: No, I guess that’s okay. Will Santa know that Toy Story 2 is my favourite?
Me: Of course he will!
Me: What? You don’t even WATCH that show anymore!
6y/o: I know but [sister] does! If I ask Santa for something that is for HER then he’ll bring me more stuff because I’m being so nice.
Me: I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way, bud.
6y/o: Too late, you already wrote it!
Me: [sigh] What else?
Me: Dude. I’m pretty sure if Santa brings you that, you won’t be getting much else.
6y/o: I know, that’s why I asked for a bunch of little things first. If the thing I want the most is last, that’s what Santa ALWAYS BRINGS.
Me: You’re too tricksy for your own good.
6y/o: I know, I am the BEST at letters to Santa!
Is anyone else already tired of the holidays?