An Open Letter to Asshole Fans (including myself)

I took a nap on Saturday night, and had this really strange dream.  It involved a small town caper where I was the one in charge of figuring out whodunit, but my husband woke me up before I could solve the mystery.  I was very groggy when he came into the room to get me up (cos, Doctor Who was about to be on and he knew I’d be pissed if I missed it) and shouted something to the effect of “NOW I’LL NEVER GET  TO FIGURE OUT WHO DID IT!” at him.  He just stood there with concern on his face.  My shouting dream remnants at him is (sadly) nothing new.  He just had to wait for me to realize that I was now awake.

(I promise, this touches on a point I’m about to make – please stay with me.)

After shouting, I got a little sad because the dream had stuck with me, and the part of it that remained clear in my head was that the news had come out that George RR Martin had passed away before finishing ASoIaF.  Coupled with my current group read of The Elvenbane (the series will never be completed because Andre Norton died in 2005), this got me to thinking about the way we react to our favourite authors and their work…finished or not.

Show of hands among my Stephen King fan friends/readers – how many of us remember our thoughts in June, 1999?  How many of us will admit that our VERY FIRST THOUGHT wasn’t “Oh, I hope he’s okay!” but more along the lines of “Fuck.  If he dies, we never get to find out if Roland makes it to the Tower!”?  If you tell me that thought didn’t even cross your mind, I will call you a liar or weep because you haven’t read that series yet.  Maybe both.

This brings me to my point.  As I was sitting on the edge of my bed on Saturday evening, I thought to myself “Man, I’m such an entitled asshole, aren’t I?”  In my dream – and in real life – I was more concerned about the fact that I’d never get to learn what happened to Jon and Arya and Tyrion and Daenerys than I was with the fact that an author whose work I’ve evangelized for years HAD DIED.

And we’re all like this.  Those of us that are srs-series readers all have this thought in the back of our heads most of the time.

“Man, what if something happens to Jim Butcher before we get our Bad Ass Trilogy?”

“God forbid something should happen to Jasper Fforde before he writes more Shades of Grey books!”

“Did you hear that Gaiman is writing more Sandman?  WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO HIM BEFORE I HAVE IT IN MY HANDS?!”

“WHAT IF CASSANDRA CLARE NEVER GETS TO WRITE THE REST OF THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS SERIES THAT WE ALL THOUGHT WAS FINISHED TWO BOOKS AGO?”

(Okay, so maybe that last one is kind of a joke.)

You know what happens then?  We get stuff like the myriad VC Andrews series, still being published almost 30 years after her death.

We get things like the execrable And Another Thing…, which almost completely soured me on the future work of Eoin Colfer.

You know what happens when we put the pressure on our favourite authors to write at a faster pace?  Books that feel rushed (like Deathly Hallows or Cold Days).  Books that are…yeah, okay – but that are probably only a fraction as great as they could have been.  Because they need another round of rewrites or because they haven’t been edited as well as they could have or were left with dangling threads because it had to be RELEASED RIGHT NOW to meet the demands of the asshole fans.

…or we get the last few books in the Earth’s Children series.  A series that Auel should have stopped writing (at the very LEAST) after Plains of Passage.

And I’m including myself in this number.  I’m not calling any of you out without calling myself out too.  I may be many things, but I am not a hypocrite.

So – I guess my question is this:  what gives us this right?  What lets us think it’s okay for us to pressure these authors who give us countless hours of pleasure in the form of the worlds we lose ourselves in?  Yeah, sure – we’re the customers.  But those of us that are readers/writers/bloggers should know just as well as anyone that sometimes the words just aren’t there.  Sometimes they come, but we realize they’re crap so they either get deleted or just never see the light of day.  Sometimes we need more time to make things decent.  Sometimes…it just doesn’t happen at all.

Guys, what do you think?  Why are we all so full of self-importance that we fail to realize that our favourite authors are people just like us?  Why do we allow ourselves to sink to this level?  Why, really, is it such a big deal when we all really have more books available than we’ll ever be able to read in our lifetime?

(Also, this is my official apology to Chris F. Holm who has been absolutely lovely when dealing with my WHEN DO I GET THE BIG REAP ALREADY? questions on twitter.  Thanks, Chris – and I’m sorry.)

“It hurt like love. Like dying.”

Also? I love this cover so hard.

I finished Chris F. Holm’s new collection of short stories (Dead Letters:  Stories of Murder and Mayhem) last night (Friday) and have been pondering how to go about discussing it meaningfully since then.

It should come as no surprise to any of you reading this that I’m already a fan of Holm’s work (click to visit other posts where I’ve talked about it), so I knew before I even started that I’d swipe the last page with a smile on my face.  The difficulty stems from the fact that writing about short stories is fucking hard, yo.

The first story – “The Putdown” – was a very difficult read (Holm admits in the introduction that it was even difficult for him to write), and I ended up more than a little weepy as I sat in the corner with my phone plugged in (this book is currently kindle only, but on his blog, he tells us that he’s working to get it in other formats for the rest of us – in the meantime, yes I read it on my phone!), but then the second story – “Action” – had me laughing so hard my 13y/o turned around to check on me to make sure I was okay.  Most of the house was already in bed by that time, and I was attempting to stifle my laughter so I’m pretty positive I sounded like I was choking to death.

After finishing this book (and really, I was more than a little sad when I realized how close I was to the end), I can say that my reactions to the first two stories very much set the tone for the rest.  As with the rest of his work, this author is quite adept at blending the humourous with the horrific, and nearly everything in between.

Each story is fairly chock-full of Holm’s noirish sensibilities, so there’s a commonality between them all – but other than that, they’ve little enough in common with each other that I’ve had a hard time picking a favourite, or even one that I’d tell you all you HAD TO READ RIGHT NOW, ZOMG! because really…I just want to recommend them all.

Wait.  I lied.  Read “One Man’s Muse” (because I think all fans of that other author from Maine have wondered what happened to the trailer he lived in where he wrote his earliest works [sidenote:  this one scared the bejeezus out of me, and having just re-read Carrie and 'Salem's Lot, it hit a lot harder than anticipated]) and “The Hitter” (a novella that managed to be gross, terrifying and lovely all at the same time).

(One last parenthetical statement, there’s a story about cannibalism, so I’m totally counting it for Zombruary.  WIN!)

There you go.  Why are you still sitting here reading my crappy blog when you could be reading the work of someone far better at entertaining you than I?  Go!  Buy it now!  (click here to do so)

The Snobbery’s Naughty and Nice List 2012 Edition (Part IV)

Now that my Rant Engines have been re-engaged, I’m having a hard time getting it together enough to talk about the things I loved this year.  AND THERE WERE SO MANY!  I might have to split this Nice post into two.  One for NEW things and one for things that were NEW TO ME.  Or I might just mix them up and put everything in neat little categories.

Sound good?

Honestly, I really don’t care if it sounds good because that’s how I’m doing it.  So there.

~o~

~o~

sj’s Favourite Books of 2012

Best SF

The Deacon’s Tale by Arinn Dembo (reviewed Mar. 18)

Really, I shouldn’t have liked this as much as I did.  As you can see right there on the cover, this is a Sword of the Stars novel.  I don’t play, nor have I ever played Sword of the Stars (but it appears to have a decent following, I just don’t play many computer games anymore).  It’s set in an established future universe that should really only appeal to SotS gamers.

But I loved it.  No tedious infodumps for newbs, just good story telling.  And the best part?  There were these detailed Appendices at the end, that were really supposed to be for the players, but that I found incredibly helpful.

If you like space operas, give this a try.  As I said up there, you don’t have to’ve played the game to fall into this one.

Best YA

I have a few choices for this one, so just hang tight.

The Last Dragonslayer by Jasper Fforde (review haiku May 14), Debris Dreams by David Colby (reviewed Oct. 15) and Katya’s World (reviewed Oct. 1) by Jonathan L Howard

So, here we have 2 sf novels and a fantasy novel.  Other than the genre aspect, the only thing in common is how very SMART they are.  These are books that don’t assume young readers are stupid.  These are books that don’t act all condescending to their readers, just because they MIGHT not be adults.  I’ve already talked my 13 year old into reading the Fforde, but I’m still WORKING on getting him into sf, so the other two might be a bit of a struggle.

These are books that make me wish I knew more kids in their target age group so that I could hand them a bundle of awesome reading material this holiday.

If you have teens that like reading and you want to get them something that isn’t full of icky love triangles and stupid girls that need to be rescued every five seconds, buy them these books.

Best MG

How to Train Your Dragon series by Cressida Cowell

OKAY, YOU CAUGHT ME!

1. I haven’t reviewed these here, only on goodreads.
2. I haven’t actually finished the series, I have only read the first six books (but I do have the next 2, I’m just missing 9 and 10).

So, forgive me for that, but ZOMG WHY HAVEN’T YOU READ THESE YET?!  I know you’ve probably all seen the Dreamworks movie that claims to be based on the first book, but they ARE NOTHING ALIKE.  And, as my husband informed me last night, I’m not allowed to talk shit about the movie retroactively since I saw it before I read these, but…

I’m kind of going to anyway.

Sorry, husband.

It’s really unfair to compare the two.  They’re both set in the same place, and the characters (some of them) have the same names, but other than that they really don’t have a whole lot in common.  The books are a lot funnier than the movie was, and you won’t LOVE TOOTHLESS in the books like you did in the movie…unless you love him for being a little asshole all the time.  Because he totally is, but it’s hilarious.  Instead of getting Hiccup OUT of trouble, he’s usually the CAUSE of the trouble, and he shows zero remorse for it.

Adults, you’ll like these if you still retain your childish whimsy.  Parents, get them if you have little boys and girls that like Vikings and dragons and can appreciate a well-told fart joke.

Best Urban Fantasy

The Collector series (reviewed June 19 and Aug. 26) by Chris F. Holm and the Miriam Black series (reviewed Jul. 16 and Jul. 23) by Chuck Wendig

Oh, look!  We could easily call this “sj’s ZOMG FAVOURITE Covers of the Year” or “Angry Robot Really Outdid Themselves With These Titles” or “Just Take My Money For The Next Twelve Books Already.”

I don’t know if there will be that many more with either of these series, but a girl can hope, yeah?

Anyway, the only thing these books have in common with each other (other than the things mentioned above) are their publisher and that they’re awesome.

The Collector series follows Sam, a basically good guy who made a few bad decisions and now works collecting the souls of the damned.  Both books are great, but I like the second a bit more.  It expands on the first (it’s not really necessary to read both, but you’ll catch cool little references if you read them back to back), but doesn’t get mired in further backstory than is necessary.  They’re both incredibly fastpaced and difficult to put down.  I really can’t wait to read The Big Reap in July.  CAN’T WAIT.

Miriam Black is not for the faint of heart.  If you’re adverse to swearing, or…well, just some gross out imagery, you should skip these.  Seriously.  There are a ton of really bad reviews by people who went in thinking they were getting another YA UF novel with a pretty cover and hated it because this wasn’t what they were expecting.  Kate told me after she read Blackbirds that she wanted to take a bunch of showers, and that’s pretty accurate.  You’ll feel a little dirty after finishing.  Carpet Noodle.

~o~

Next time, I’ll talk about my NEW FAVOURITE AUTHOR and a new book by one of my CURRENT FAVOURITES.  In the meantime, talk amongst yourselves.  What did you lovelovelove this year?

Thoughts on Chris F. Holm’s 8 Pounds

Initially, I thought I’d be posting a standard review of 8 Pounds, but am still not entirely sure how to go about  that.  Reviewing short stories is HARD, yo.

You guys all know that I already enjoy Holm’s writing (since I’ve talked about it before here and here), and as evidenced by our limited interactions on twitter, he’s a pretty neat guy.

So, having experienced Holm’s The Collector series (two books so far and I’m EAGERLY ANTICIPATING the third [only seven months to wait!]), I thought I knew what I’d be in for when I decided to read some short stories that my illness addled brain would be able to focus on.

That was my first mistake.

Second mistake?  Reading in bed while trying to fall asleep.

Third mistake (yeah, I made a few)?  Not taking the “Horror and Suspense” part of the tagline seriously.

Because, while The Collector books are full of dark humour, they look like sunshine and unicorns dodisharkicorns and rainbows next to the fuligin cloak* that is 8 Pounds.

No, I’m not even kidding.

Back to the mistakes!  I should never have read the story “A Better Life” right before falling asleep.  It led to the WORST EVER, most terrifying dreams.  Even now (a few days later and in the broad light of day) is still pretty haunting.  I hope I never have to worry about mice in my house, or I’ll be sure that this story is playing out in real life.

Also haunting me (probably FOREVER, so thanks for nothing, Mr Holm) is the story “The Well” which…I don’t even have words.  It’s only ~800 words long, but its emotional impact is that of something with thousands of words of set up and plotting.  I mean, I write blog posts that are over 800 words long ALL THE TIME, but nothing I’ve written will have the potential to stay in your mind long after your eyes leave the page.  Not like this, anyway.

While these two stories alone are worth the price of admission, another must read is the titular story.  In “8 Pounds” a couple of old friends are laughing over drinks and arguing whether 8 Pounds is the going rate or weight of a human head.  I was giggling at it until the last few sentences, when I was hit with the literary equivalent of a junk punch.  Dude.

I guess what I’m saying is this:  even if you’re not (or THINK you’re not) into crime stories or horror stories or suspense stories as a general rule, you get 8 stories in this collection for 99¢.  I don’t usually think of myself as a fan of crime fiction, but it didn’t impair my enjoyment in the slightest.  Yes, you’ll find some of the standard genre tropes inside, but they’re all done in such an enjoyable way that maybe you won’t notice.  Give it a chance – you have nothing to lose but a dollar and a few hours of your time, and might even find a story that grabs you and sticks with you.

* fuuuu, Kate‘s going to be thrilled that I’m speaking in Wolfeisms

Book Review – The Wrong Goodbye

I’m sure you all remember a few months ago when I read Chris F. Holm’s first The Collector book, Dead Harvest.  Even if you don’t that’s okay.  I’ll pretend to wait impatiently while you go read my review.  Anyway, I really liked that book and kind of got all gushy about the cover.  That cover kind of had nothing on this one BUT I’M NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE COVER TODAY.  No, really.

If you remember (and even if you don’t, I really don’t care [just kidding, love you guys!]) I liked Holm’s main character Sam Thornton well enough, but there were tiny things that knocked it down from a five star book to just above 4.  4.1, I think?  [runs to check]  Yes, 4.1.  Well!  You’ll all be thrilled to know, I’m sure, that I did Mandy’s Review Rubric on The Wrong Goodbye last night and it scored an amazing FOUR POINT SEVEN stars!  That’s almost five stars, guys, and is definitely nothing to sneeze at!

I liked Sam even more this time than I did last time (which is saying something, because he was pretty cool to begin with), but what really made this book exceptional were the new characters and situations.  Without giving too very much of the plot away, there’s a road trip with the body of Abe Frohman (if you don’t know who the Sausage King of Chicago is, I really don’t want to be your friend anymore), junkie demons, some creepy as hell non-aligned creatures and of course references to both the apocrypha and pop-culture.

I giggled, I was uncomfortable, I gasped (in what I hope were all the appropriate places) and I turned the last page (figuratively, dur – it’s an ebook, don’t you know me by now?) with a slight feeling of sadness.  I started 3 other books yesterday after finishing this one, and not one of them was able to hold my attention.  It’s kind of win:lose – I loved this, but now nothing else seems to be worth reading.  [sigh]

Shortly after my review of Dead Harvest, I had a twitter conversation with Mr Holm where he said he hoped things would work themselves out better in this book (I’m totally paraphrasing because I’m too lazy to scroll back through two months of tweets, c’mon), and I can assure both you (my lovely readers) and him that the things that bothered me about the first book have pretty much disappeared in this second volume.

You don’t necessarily have to have read Dead Harvest to follow the events of The Wrong Goodbye, but if you’re a completist like me, you’ll want to anyway.  There are lovely little in-jokes in this one that you won’t get if you haven’t read the first, but again – not necessary for enjoyment.

If you’re into pulpy noir-ish prose and think adding fantastic elements to that is a great idea, you’ll love these books.  If you HATE that kind of stuff, you probably won’t – but don’t blame me, because I totally warned you.

The Wrong Goodbye will be out Sept. 25 in the US and Oct. 4 in the UK.  Pricing and sales information can be found over at Angry Robot (the lovely folks over there were kind enough to provide me with this eARC).  You can find Mr Holm on twitter and his blog.  Like most of the Angry Robot authors, he’s pretty awesome about interacting and answering questions.  I love that!

So…what are you waiting for?  Go pre-order this book, already.

Post Script – Kind of weird because I was just discussing this album with a few different people the other day –  but a little after halfway through, I started singing this song to myself.  Anyway, I think it goes well with this book: