I wasn’t even going to talk about music I don’t like because I DON’T LISTEN TO MUSIC I DON’T LIKE! But you guys (specifically Heather D and Jen Hartling) bullied me into it, and now I’m going to have to do this and be stuck with this crap in my head FOREVER. I kind of hate you right now, I hope you’re happy.
Songs/Bands sj HATED in 2012
1. Train – 50 Ways to Say Goodbye
ZOMG, WTF IS THIS?! I like mariachi guitars and horns, okay? No, seriously, I do. It comes of spending a lot of my youth in Southern California and having neighbours that blasted this ish on weekends. I especially enjoy when they’re employed non-ironically by punk and ska bands. I DO NOT, HOWEVER, like when Train uses them. This is probably one of the worst things I’ve heard in recent years. It makes me want to stick chopsticks into my eardrums so I don’t have to be subjected to it ever ever ever again.
Not even The Hoff can save this shitty song.
2. Gifted but Twisted – Six Pack
I don’t even remember where I first heard this, I think it might have been posted by one of my nieces on facebook over the summer. I wanted it to be a joke. Hell, I STILL want it to be a joke. Please, let this be a joke. Notice that dude does not, in fact, have a six pack. Also notice that all of the “beers” featured in the video are full. No one is actually drinking or having a good time or “get[ting] FUCKED UP” in this video. I think because this guy is 14 and all of the strippers he hired for this video are having a hard time not laughing at him. And they’re bored. I didn’t even think this was funny enough to sit through the whole thing for mocking purposes. It’s that bad.
3. Muse – Madness
Look, any year Muse puts an album out, I’m going to listen to it and then hate on it. I always subject myself to them because I think “Dude, sj – everyone you know loves this fucking band, what is your problem?” Even Husband and 6y/o love Muse! But no. I just can’t. I hate Matthew Bellamy’s voice, I hate their rhythm section, I hate…I just hate this band. HATE. THIS. BAND. …and I just realized I’m not going to make myself try to like them anymore. I’m donezo. So long, Muse – you won’t miss me with your millions of adoring fans. But I still hate you.
4. Gotye feat. Kimbra – Somebody That I Used to Know
I know this song came out last year. And I even didn’t think it sucked the first EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND TIMES I heard it. No, really. Even if I didn’t think it was the best thing ever, I still didn’t hate it and think it should die in a fire. HOWEVER! It has now been covered to death, and 2012 was the year that the world ran a semi-decent song into the fucking ground. Go to YouTube. Type “Somebody That I Used to Know cover” into the search box. EIGHTY SIX THOUSAND RESULTS! Isn’t that a bit overboard, People of Zee Wurl? DON’T YOU THINK THAT’S A BIT MUCH?!
Anyway, because of this song, I don’t care if he puts out the next best thing ever. I’m over it. Sorry, Gotye. But not really.
Oh, and that brings me to the final item on today’s list.
5. Anything sung by the cast of Glee. Anything.
So, I thought this show sounded like a terrible idea when it started, and as a result I’ve never watched a single episode. The commercials I’ve seen have convinced me that I made the right decision. You know what else has helped me to know that I’m on the path of RIGHTNESS? The fact that I CAN NOT ESCAPE THEIR HORRIBLE COVERS. At all.
So, obvs, they covered Gotye. That was terrible. Then I was also subjected to their terrible renditions of RHPS songs. Don’t forget Gagnam Style! Because it wouldn’t be a viral sensation if these kids didn’t do a little song and dance to it, right? Oh, and then there was the worst thing ever, when they covered CELEBRITY SKIN! I’m pretty sure Amy was the one who told me about this one, and it is probably the WORST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL YEAR.
There you have it. You asked for it, and you got it. My most hated songs of the year.
What made you ragey this year, or wish you didn’t have ears?