I know you’re used to seeing books with a more salacious bent on Trashy Tuesday, but remember – the original purpose was for me to read things so you don’t have to, books with little-to-no literary value.
Revenge Wears Prada is not worth the paper it’s printed on, or the pixels it will take up on your eScreen. I only read it because I apparently bought it while drunk shopping one night, and the NOOK book return policy is RIDICULOUS.
10 years ago, The Devil Wears Prada was the gossipy best chicklit had to offer. We all (or most of us) read it; we all hated Miranda Priestly and cheered when Andy told her to fuck off on the streets of Paris.
10 years is a long time to wait for a sequel, especially one that would’ve fared better had it been relegated to an epilogue, a la Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Revenge Wears Prada (an enticing title, to be sure) starts 10 years after that fateful eff bomb, Andy awakens from a horrible dream featuring Miranda on the morning of her wedding. Her husband-to-be (a “rich” playboy whose family has fallen on hard times) has snuck into her room to see her, even though they’re not supposed to see each other before the walk down the aisle. She shoos him out the door, then takes their dog for a long enough walk that people start to think she’s pulled a Julia Roberts.
Upon her return, she realizes that her “something old” is in her husband’s duffel bag so she sneaks in to get it. Instead of the family heirloom necklace, she finds a note his mother has written, imploring him to ditch Andy and go back to his ex, a woman he’d apparently run into again while at his bachelor party in Bermuda (?!).
Andy knows nothing of any meeting (cos Max neglected to mention it to her) and proceeds to vomit violently in a nearby trash can.
But it’s too late to not marry him, so she goes through with the wedding anyway.
A week later she confronts him about it and they make plans to discuss it, but before they can, she finds out she’s pregnant (dur!).
She doesn’t TELL HIM, though, she decides to just sit on the information and goes back to work like everything is fine.
You’re probably wondering what she’s doing with her life. Is she writing for the New Yorker like she always dreamed? If not the New Yorker, surely it’s for some other upscale literary publication, yes?
WRONG! She and Emily (yes, “one stomach flu away from my goal weight” Emily) have started a WEDDING magazine.
I spent chapter after chapter in total WTAF-mode before it was explained how these two women became FRIENDS, let alone business partners.
Last we’d heard of Emily was when Miranda had Andy fire her, y’know? And yet, here we are, 10 years later with these women as best friends RUNNING A WEDDING MAGAZINE.
This is eventually explained in an out of place flashback (which this book was fond of, often with no explanation or warning) – they took a cooking class at the same time and bonded over hating Miranda – but we’re left to flounder for many pages before it was explained.
Andy eventually tells Max she’s pregnant, AND was two months pregnant when they got married – he is predictably excited.
SO! Biggest, most exclusive wedding magazine ever – guess who comes a-knockin’?
Yer damn skippy it’s Miranda and Elias-Clarke – the biggest magazine conglomerate in ALL THE LAND!
So, Miranda wants to buy their magazine and Emily is all for it cos $$$$, but Andy still suffers from PTSD-type symptoms from her time working for the Devil.
Andy feels like selling would be a huge mistake cos they’d just be working for Miranda again, but her husband and Emily can’t see past the dollar signs in their eyes.
And Miranda is being…nice? She compliments Andy on her pregnancy glow and blahblahblah. Then the two women are invited to dinner at Miranda’s penthouse.
Where we learn that Miranda is just faking nice cos she effectively threatens Andy to just sign the damn papers already.
Andy convinces everyone to wait on making a decision on selling the magazine until after she’s had the baby.
She does and joins a mommy support group, there is much talk of poop and spitup and breast feeding. There is also a non-mom bringing her niece to the group and all of the mommies live through her and the semi-scandalous affair she’s having that she decides to tell a bunch of complete strangers about.
They all encourage her to keep the affair going so they can live through her each week, with her tales of illicit heavy petting.
On her way to work one morning, Miranda runs into her ex, Alex. The one she was living with in the previous book, the one who left her cos he couldn’t handle how she put work before him. They RECONNECT and Andy decides not to tell Max about it, even though it is EXACTLY THE SAME THING SHE SPENT THE WHOLE FIRST HALF OF THE BOOK AGONIZING OVER.
She still hasn’t made up her mind about the sale of the magazine, and tells Emily they can decide once and for all the following week.
At a mommies luncheon that all of the husbands are invited to, the non-mommy shows up…with the boyfriend she’s been cheating on, nervous that someone will tell her boyfriend about her extra-curricular activities.
She should be nervous because that boyfriend…is Alex!
Andy decides not to tell, though, for some stupid reason.
A package of important magazine photos arrives at Andy and Max’s home when Emily is out of town and instead of having them couriered over to Emily’s place, she decides to take the baby for a walk. She gets to the front door and hears laughter.
Nervous because her bestie is out of town, she opens the door to find Emily’s husband…and her own.
Before she can jump to the “ZOMG THEY’RE HAVING AN AFFAIR!” conclusion, EMILY walks in the room. SHE WASN’T OUT OF TOWN AT ALL! She and Max were conspiring the WHOLE TIME and they’d just finished signing the contracts to sell the magazine to Miranda, without Andy’s permission.
Andy quits and storms out. She also rage quits her marriage.
Next page, it’s a year later and Andy is freelancing for New York magazine (not the New Yorker, but…). Alex shows up at her workspace to ask her our.
Turns out that his girlfriend was so sure Andy would spill the beans that she told him about the affair herself.
Miranda fired Emily from her own magazine after a week.
And now Andy is writing the VERY BOOKS WE JUST READ.
And then I’m left wondering WHERE THE HELL IS THE REVENGE THE TITLE PROMISED ME?!