Trashy Tuesday – City of Fallen Angels

I’m seriously super glad this is the last one in this series for now.  I know most of you have enjoyed reading why I hated these books so much, but I’m really glad to be able to stop talking about them.  While this one wasn’t as obviously derivative as the rest, it was still very bad.  I get frustrated and depressed while reading because I can’t believe this crap is popular when I know so many authors that deserve the recognition much more, for writing actual characters with depth and original voices.  If I haven’t mentioned it before, it’s a good thing we’re constantly told who’s speaking in these books because every character has the same voice.  EVERY.  CHARACTER.  God, if you’re going to rip off every popular thing in the history of pop culture, at least please work on your dialogue.  Anyway, this one was the worst.  The majority of the book was stuff like “oh, you have two girlfriends, you should stop doing that.”  “I know I should stop doing that, but how do I pick one?” and “I really really love you, are we going to do it?”  “I don’t know, do you think we should do it?  Maybe we should, I’m just going to stab you first, ‘kay?”  It was beyond tiring, but I guess you’ll see that now, won’t you?

So we left off with Valentine killed by an angel, Jace killed by Valentine, but resurrected by the aforementioned angel and Jace and Clary making out because they weren’t brother and sister.  Blech.  Simon has the Mark of Cain on his forehead and hasn’t been killed by the Vamp Coven of NYC yet because of it.

Image courtesy of goodreads.

Jace is having disturbing dreams about Clary.  Like, start out sexy dreams, but turn into him stabbing her repeatedly and ish.  Clary’s trying to snuggle up now that they’re no longer related, but he keeps pushing her away.  He’s afraid something is wrong with him, and doesn’t want to hurt her.

Oh, and Sebastian?  The one that is actually Clary’s older brother that Jace left for dead in Idris?  Yeah, someone is trying to make other babies like him by feeding the mothers demon blood, but the experiment is failing and only these deformed, clawed babies are being born.  Yuck.

Simon is still living at home, trying to convince his mom he’s just a normal boy.  This becomes difficult as she wonders why he’s not eating and is acting even angstier than most 16 year old boys.  She finds his refrigerator full of blood and freaks out so he puts her under a glamour and runs away.  While on the street (hiding his forehead with his emo bangs and being a babealicious vampire stud), he’s attacked by some thugs in grey tracksuits that try to force him into a van, but before he can even properly defend himself, they turn into pillars of salt.  Mark of Cain in action, baby.

He’s forced into some meeting with the ACTUAL head of the vampires in the area and she asks for his help taking down Raphael, because he’s just a little upstart usurper.  Since he’s got the Mark, the two of them together would be virtually unstoppable.  Simon says he needs some time to think about it.

I know we haven’t mentioned it in a while, but Simon’s got this band.  They’re a typical band of teenage boys that can’t make up their minds what they want to be called, but they somehow manage to get a few gigs now and then.  He’s been kinda sorta dating both Maia (werewolf) and Isabelle (Shadowhunter) for the last few weeks and has to stagger which performances they can come to so that they don’t run into each other.  Not only that, but there’s this little girl Maureen.  She’s, like, 14 and his BIGGEST FAN.  Not in an Annie Wilkes kind of way, but in a “ZOMG, SIMON I LOVE YOU, YOUR BAND RULES!” way.

So, Simon’s band is playing and he hasn’t been feeling too well since his mother destroyed his blood stash.  He starts to get sick on stage and rushes outside.  Maureen follows him out and he bites her and drinks her blood.  He’s interrupted by his newest bandmate, Jordan.  (Jordan turns out to be Maia’s ex-boyfriend, the one that turned her into a werewolf in the first place.  He claims that he didn’t mean to attack her, and that he wanted to apologize, but that after, he was taken in by this Werewolf Secret Service type group that goes around teaching new wolves to control themselves.  Um…okay.)  They decide that Maureen will be okay if they just leave her there in the alley and let her forget about what happened.

The next day, Simon gets a note telling him that his girlfriend has been kidnapped and that if he hopes to rescue her, he needs to show up at XXXX Address by –:– o’clock.  He is calling around to the three girls he thinks it could be…Maia, Isabelle and Clary – but they’re all safe and decidedly not kidnapped, so he thinks maybe it was just a joke.

Meanwhile, Jace and Clary are this close to their FIRST TIME.  They’re hanging out in Jace’s room and down to their undies kissing and junk when Jace pulls a knife out and cuts her.  Say what?  Wow, dude.  Way to ruin sex for her for life.  Good job!  She doesn’t run away screaming, though, she sits and makes him talk to her.  Seriously, I think the hardest part of this book to get through were the endless conversations.  The first 80% of the book was talk about feelings, and Simon’s two girlfriends, and then more feelings.  Blah.  Anyway, so Clary convinces Jace that he needs to talk to one of the Silent Brothers.

I know, right?  They were all killed in the second book?  That’s totally what I thought.  I guess there were a few (like Yoda and Obi Wan) that escaped the massacre, and they’re back in business at the City of Bones.  There, we learn that Jace is – I’m trying to remember how it was put and I’m failing.  When he was killed by Valentine on the shores of Lake Lyn, then brought back by the angel Raziel, his soul was gone from his body for a few minutes.  When it came back, they never told anyone what had happened (I think it’s because Clary didn’t want anyone to know that she’d wasted her one wish on a selfish jerk, but whatever).  All Shadowhunter babies have this ceremony performed when they’re young because for some reason they’re especially susceptible to demonic influence.  Since Jace didn’t have this ceremony performed when he was reborn, he’s being controlled by a greater demon in his dreams.  GET THIS BOY BAPTIZED, PRONTO!

Jocelyn and Luke are having an engagement party thrown by Luke’s pack.  Jace shows up and somehow convinces Clary that the Silent Brothers cured him already and starts talking about how he wants to be bound to her.  The Shadowhunters don’t have weddings, they draw runes of commitment and binding on each other to signify that they’re all soul-matey and stuff.  Stupid Clary for some reason agrees EVEN THOUGH SHE’S ONLY SIXTEEN, but then starts freaking out when she realizes that the rune Jace is drawing on her isn’t the one for marriage.  She gets knocked out and he kidnaps her.

Maureen shows up to taunt Simon about killing her.  After he drank most of her blood, she was picked up and turned into a vampire.  He follows her, realizing that she was the girlfriend the note was referring to.  Isabelle, Alec, Jordan and Maia follow because of this business card that Simon left behind conveniently, that has the address of the building where everything’s about to hit the fan.  They get to the building and start checking out each floor, looking for their friends.  On one floor, they find a room full of cribs, each with its own dead, deformed baby.  The person trying to create more Li’l Sebastians can’t seem to get it right, and this room is evidence of that failure.

Jace is up on the roof with Clary, along with a strange glass coffin-like object filled with some type of suspension fluid…and Sebastian’s body.  Maureen brings Simon up there, and we finally learn the identity of our big-baddie.  It’s Lilith, the first wife of Adam, who was mother to all demons and the biggest, most powerful demon of them all.  She’s the one that’s been possessing Jace in his sleep, and forced him to draw another commitment rune on his chest that allows her to control his actions when he’s awake.

She reveals her terrible plan, which is that since Simon is a daywalker, his powerful blood (which contains Jace’s powerful blood) will be able to revive the demon-blooded Sebastian and help her create a new Master Race.  It sounded kind of stupid when she was telling it, but that could just be my prejudice against this series speaking.  Simon is forced to drain Sebastian (because Jace is under orders to kill Clary if he doesn’t), but since Sebastian is all demon-y, his blood is like poison to Simon.  Clary does something smart for once, by turning to Jace and saying something stupid and girly like “ew, gross, I can’t bear to watch!” but when he puts his arm around her, she steals his knife and slashes at the rune on his chest.  The power of the rune is broken and Jace comes back to himself, horrified at what he’s done to his supposed One True Love.  He yells at Clary to run away, and she does, but she hides behind some plants or something because she’s a stupid gawker that has to see how everything turns out.  She’s back to being an idiot again.

Since Jace and Simon think Clary’s gone, Simon stops drinking and Jace decides to stand up to Lilith.  She reveals that she knows where Clary is hiding and goes all Evil Indiana Jones on her, repeatedly whipping her out of her hiding place.  Simon throws himself in front of the whip, and the Mark of Cain acts once again.  Now it’s Lilith that’s turned into a pillar of salt.

The Shadowhunters all arrive at the scene and Simon heads down to fill them in on what happened on the roof while the rest of the kids were battling the mothers of the demon babies downstairs.  Jace and Clary have a tender moment, once again professing undying love for one another, then Clary goes down to assure her mother that she’s okay.

Once he’s alone, the cut rune on Jace’s chest begins to heal, and even though Lilith is dead…Sebastian isn’t.  Jace starts hearing Sebastian’s voice in his head, and is compelled to finish the resurrection ritual.  CLIFFHANGER ENDING!

I know, right?  So, I guess the next one is coming out in May.  You’ll be hearing about it then, for suresies.  I have yet to decide what to read/write about for next Tuesday.  If you have any ideas/suggestions, leave them on the What is Trashy Tuesday page.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with the song I had running through my head while I was reading this, it’s better than anything that happened in the book:

23 thoughts on “Trashy Tuesday – City of Fallen Angels

    • Everyone is either vampire, werewolf, nephilim, warlock or faerie. The only one who wasn’t was Simon, but he’s a vampire now. Oh, and his band is still mostly “Mundie.”

  1. Well, by your attitude I guess you’ve never been stabbed. It’s just part of foreplay, you know. Or was that foul play. I forget. Anyhoo, the acceptable response is to stop and discuss it. Something like this.

    “Dude. What just happened? Let’s talk about this. I feel like every time I get close to you, a wall goes up. Or in this case, a knife.”

  2. Is it weird that I enjoy reading your description of a book that I have no intention of reading and that you don’t even like anyway? It’s fun to watch you weave a better…(if more sarcastic) … story out of the original. You give the Reader’s Digest version as told by a stand-up comic. It is sort of like you are dissecting a little gnome, and then slapping the bits back together into a meat-puppet that ends up looking like Brad Pitt.
    How do you do that?

    • This totally made my day. Seriously, it’s one of the nicest compliments my blog/writing has ever received and I really appreciate it.

      As for the “How do you do that” question…I really don’t know. I think it’s because living with my dad and watching movies with him (like I have my whole life) is like one long episode of MST3K. I totally got the snark gene from him. :)

      • I have been giving it some thought. To write about something you like and make it interesting is easy. To write about something that you didn’t think was that good and make it interesting is a skill. But to write about something you didn’t like and make the writing itself take on a life of its own, totally separate from the subject, is sort of an art form. You didn’t make me want to read the book you were reviewing. You made me want to read more about what you think about the book. And read a book you wrote yourself. If you see what I mean.

        • I don’t know if you made it all the way back to the beginning when you were reading through the other day, but one of my first posts (it might have actually been my first post, now that I’m thinking of it) is called This is Why I Don’t Write and pretty much details why I haven’t ever written anything longer than the stuff you see here.

          • It hurts me to have to tell you this after all the crap I give people about starting my blog at the beginning, but I was reading yours backwards. I am on the earliest stuff right now. That is some of the best writing about not being able to write that I have ever read. It sounds like an almost stupid conversation…(sorry, bear with me)… until you put it all together and see what it is you are saying. Do you see what I’m saying?

  3. This was an awesome review. Unfortunately, that’s really all that happened in that book, which is a shame that someone got paid for an entire book where you can describe everything that happened with clarity and detail in 10 minutes. And the song was better than all the books combined. And btw, I have been thinking about the whole Pillar of Salt thing. Was that actually what the Mark of Cain did? Lord I’m too lazy to Google it.

    Thumbs up, baby!

    • No, I am almost positive that is not what it did. It said that anyone who attempts to kill Cain will have the Lord’s vengeance brought back upon them sevenfold (which is where the crappy band Avenged Sevenfold got their name, btw), but the only specific mention of people being turned into pillars of salt that I can recall (and obvs I’m not a biblical scholar or anything) is Lot’s wife during the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. I have read, though, that it’s entirely possible that she was just buried in salt when the city exploded because there are lots (heh, no pun intended) of deposits of rock salt in the ground in that area.

      So, much poetic license taken with this one.

  4. Pingback: Hey, SJ From Snobbery! Let’s Play 20 Questions! | The Byronic Man

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