Mythical Creatures We’re Happy Aren’t Real

So, the last few days we’ve been pretty nice and talking about things we like/love, which I know none of you are used to seeing from us.  Today we’re going to fill you all in on some things from fiction that we are decidedly against, and quite thrilled that they don’t actually exist.

  • Nazgûl – Dude.  Seriously.  In case you’re the only other person in the world besides Amy that hasn’t read The Lord of the Rings (or at least seen the movies), these guys are bad.  They’re totally invisible to our poor mortal eyes, unless they’re wearing their special cloaks given to them by their master, Sauron.  They inspire fear just by being, and their Black Breath is poisonous.  Scary, scary stuff.

The Nazgûl were they, the Ringwraiths, the Enemy’s most terrible servants; darkness went with them, and they cried with the voices of death.

  • Werewolves – Sorry, Remus!

  • Hydra - I’m not Heracles, so I’m pretty sure I’d have ZERO chance against one of these.

  • Minotaur – Look.  I’m pretty rubbish at mazes, unless I can start at the finish (with my pink crayon, of course).  Plus, not a fan of bulls…or septum piercings.

  • Rush Limbaugh – Oh.  Wait.  Well, maybe we just wish he weren’t real.

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30 thoughts on “Mythical Creatures We’re Happy Aren’t Real

    • That’s US! For some reason, the sj-owl has always had a monocle and spiffy hat. I had a really hard time finding a picture of him with the stupid cigar that was big enough for her to add us to. Glad it was worth it.

  1. Awesome post yet again. The pictures just make it surreal.

    The maze one proves that a picture tells a thousand words.

    Can I add the Hunters from the Halo games? They aren’t mythical but they drive me mad every time they appear and I have to kill them. So tedious and irritating.

  2. Someone smart once said that in literature, the caliber of the hero is directly related to the power of the enemy he/she faces… (Of course they said it much more cleverly than this)… I guess what they were saying is that if Frodo and Sam just had to sneak in the back of a Jack In The Box and drop the ring into the deep fat fryer, it might have detracted from the power of the story just a little.
    I think we all agree that Rush would make a better mythical creature than a real human being.
    And I wouldn’t put a Balrog in a petting zoo.

    • I suppose. I guess I sometimes forget that not everyone was handed a copy of Fellowship when they were 8. I really think you should give them a try, but I’m not exactly one to ask for an unbiased opinion.

  3. Dare I even show my face? I have never read or seen Lord of the Rings! Guess I’m waiting to experience it with one of my kids. And gosh, just reading Audrey’s comment here, man, I’m not so sure about it.

    • ! Say it isn’t so, almost neighbour! They are scariest when you’re little, but still fantastically creepy as an adult. I read them for the first time when I was 8, but I was a precocious reader. You might want to hold off a few years, especially if you’re reading them to your kids. There are some bits that might be a bit dry for someone who isn’t really used to reading high fantasy (political machinations and whatnot).

  4. My nightmare creatures were definitely sasquatch and yeti. And wouldn’t particularly want to meet up with any Dementors. Also, what’s that one that looks like a feathered lizard and lives in the woods?

    Oh, here it is – Quetzalcoatl. I googled it. That one gave me huge nightmares as a kid.

  5. Pingback: Why You Probably Shouldn’t Read The Silmarillion (Part V) | snobbery

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